I don't usually post things like this, but last night my sister got me onto Omegle and... well...

I got a little carried away.

Originally, my friend Missy and I were trying to find one another and I stumbled across this person.

Oh how wrong it went!

There is some graphic content in this chat log, as you will see for yourself if you decide to venture into the darkness. It's also made twice as disturbing, as I decided to pretend I was Harry Potter and requested the other person pretend to be Dumbledore.

FOR THE RECORD:

This was done in a joking tone (on BOTH ends I'm sure, especially considering how it ends).

Again, this isn't safe for work. It's also not safe for the faint of heart. I am TELLING you, it's graphic. It's also GAY. It's also love between a creepy old man and young boy. Please don't read it if it's going to be a problem for you (and let me tell you, it was a problem for me to WRITE the damn thing! Booze helped).

Last but not least, this is dedicated to my sister Nicki.

This is what you have brought about.

( CUT HERE. DON'T CLICK UNLESS YOU'RE SURE. REALLY NSFW. I WARNED YOU. )

Notice how, though he tried to kill me in the end... he got the spell wrong.
This is the last time Harry goes to a twelve dollar prostitute.

I stole it from Missy.

( It was a creepy, uncanny read. )

I stole this from Missy and was traumatized by the result.

The Portraitist

Random, Character-Oriented, Platonic

As a Portraitist, the character is everything to you. You value the character's personality and development more than anything else, and your goal in roleplay is to flesh the character out in any and every way possible. You're the method actor of the roleplay world: you know your character through and through (you've probably done a ton of research) and you enjoy throwing your character into new and random situations just to prompt interesting reactions. However, you're hard to involve in any plots, mostly because ongoing stories that don't focus on exploring your character's innermost depths quickly bore you. Also, you might like to put your character in tragic/stressful situations a little too much.


OH GOD IT'S MEEEEEE  T___T

I feel so badly going to see Nicki and Xander...  poor Xander is in so much pain because he swallows too much air.

I do the same thing myself, so I know how those pains feel....  it's horrible, sometimes they make me cry as well.

I hope she can find some kind of solution, some way to help him.  I seemed to get somewhere with him, but it's very difficult...  you have to keep changing his position over and over until you find the right way...  next time, you have to hold him differently.

poor baby was turning purple from screaming...  I can't imagine how much pain he must be in right now.

I felt like crying myself.  I would suffer that for him if I could...

eta: Here's the picture I promised almost a whole month ago.  Sorry it took so long.

( auntie, neffle, and kitty. )

Later today I'll be updating this post to include the name of my Sims Journal...  Just so I don't clutter up this journal with posts of various sims.
I figured it would be a good idea...  I tend to post my sims A LOT...  and with the release of the sims 3 upcoming, there's no reason not to do it now.

Also just wanted to say I'll have my own computer as of the middle/end of this month!  THAT'S RIGHT!  MY OWN COMPUTER!  So I might post fanfics, since I haven't really been able to write at all....  My icons will probably change up a million more times, too.

Expect a journal purge soon, I just want to get rid of useless entries.  lol.

ETA: mystikmoonsims 

there we go!  The new journal won't have anything in it, most likely, until a week or so after the release of the game...  A week, because I will probably be simming so much that I won't come online at all :P

I was getting all discouraged the other day, even though I've only been going to the gym for a little over a week...  I like to see results asap, and of course seeing weight comes off takes a lot of time.

Or does it?

Just when I was convinced I'm going to be fat forever, my mom is like

"....Have you lost weight?"

At this point I'm like "Buh?!"  because she always tells me how much she hates when people ask her if it looks like they have lost weight.  She goes on and on about how she can't tell, blah blah blah...  And now suddenly she's asking me if I'm losing weight?

Is it really so obvious?!  Then why can't I see it?!

She pinched and prodded my fat rolls for a while, telling me where I look smaller and whatnot... normally I'd shove her hands off because I hate people touching my disgusting gelatin tummy...  but this time I was like "Maybe there IS a difference?"  in which case I started poking and prodding my fatbag too.

Cue the next morning....  I wake up, roll out of bed, and throw on a robe to cover up (as I'm one of those strange people who sleeps nude....  it really is more comfortable without clothes getting all bunched up) and...

OMFGWTF?

THE ROBE FITS?!

This robe, two weeks ago, was WAY too small.  Said fatbag was so large that the robe just kind of opened in the front.  If I wanted my twat NOT to hang out, I had to hold it closed.

This morning...  The robe closes on it's own.  With no help from me.  I look down...  and kind of stand there in stunned surprise for a few minutes.  My mind was desperately trying to understand how I could have seriously managed to lose so much size in only a week and a half.

Now I keep checking myself out in the mirror to see if maybe my clothes are fitting a little more loose than I thought....  I'm just worried about what will happen when I reach the 'omg your pants are too loose and fall down when you move' stage.  Since I can't afford new pants.

I seriously can't wait to be swimming in my old clothes.  :3  Like seriously swimming.

On another note: I may have trolled a little bit in one of my ljcomms.  Just a bit.  It was fun, and at this point I really don't give two shits that the mods threatening to permaban me...  I kind of want to leave that comm anyway, the people there are just a little too miserable for me anyhow.  I figure, why not go out with a bang?

I just want to laugh at the mods...  The internet is srs biznis!!!  SRS BIZNIS.  >| 

I'm entitled to my own opinions, even if they might offend someone.  Funny...  I thought the comm was supposed to be hardcore, but apparently bitches can't handle differences of opinion.  XDDD  The best part of it is that they told me I have no idea what I'm talking about.  Said rant was about fatness.

Yeah cause at nearly 300 lbs I would have no idea what being fat is about rite? :D  Oh well.  They can wallow in their snackcakes and supress opinions while I get fit and healthy and leave them in my dusticles. (Y)

ETA: sorry if this is a little TMI....  XDD  Blame it on the tmi comm I joined.  Suddenly I'm kind of blunt.
If you have a problem, let me know and I'll stick it in an LJ cut.

I joined a gym.  No seriously.  I joined a GYM.  That place where people go to get fit and healthy?  I'm there.  At that gym.  Ok well not right at this second, but I will be there tomorrow to take a 'fit test'.

I am going to fail so hard.  LMAO  If they were going to grade me, I would probably get an F----.  The last time I was seriously active, I was maybe 8 years old.  I took karate.  Then I quit because I didn't enjoy being punched and kicked (big surprise there).

And now I'm 22.  And I joined a gym.

Ok, where did Amanda go, and WHO AM I?!

First...  no absences from work.  At all.  I've been working here for...  almost 6 months.  Not ONE absence.  Not even an early leave or anything.  That's not to say I haven't been sick, I've just ....  'manned up'.  LOL

Second...  I haven't thought about suicide in about the same amount of time.  For the last 10 years of my life, I obsessed on the idea of killing myself.  That's all I wanted to do.  I dreamed about it.  Now...  The thought hasn't popped into my head at all.  The only time I've even though of the TOPIC of suicide is when I'm saying to myself, "Wow, I can't believe I haven't thought about suicide!"

Third...  I got into college!  And not just that, but I realized that my shitty performance in school over the years has very possibly been because I was bored out of my mind.  I failed grade 10 english THREE TIMES...  Took my grade 12 english equivalency and got 90%, and I was finished every part of the test at LEAST 15 minutes before everyone else.  It was a breeze.  Here I was thinking I was stupid because I wasn't passing....  now I'm starting to think maybe I was too smart for that crap.  I already knew it all.

Fourth...  I JOINED A GYM.  I am the most inactive person I know.  Most days I would rather stick myself with a pin than go for a walk (although that's more because I hate being active outdoors more than anything...  I'm just not an outdoors kind of person), and I've been totally sedentary for YEARS.  The most activity I usually see is my 'mouse-hand' while I'm playing the sims.  Not anymore!  Now suddenly (especially since my computer broke) I've been going stir-crazy inside.  I've been more active than ever (granted, I'm still not THAT active, just moreso than I have been), and now I want MORE.

Fifth...  I have found FAITH.  Not in a god, or a higher power, but in MYSELF.  I feel suddenly like I can take on the world and actually WIN.  I feel like I can do whatever I want, as long as I put my mind to it!  It's so strange to be sitting here feeling confident, after so long of being terrified to do anything because I just knew I would screw up.  Stranger still is that on the day these personal changes started coming...  I looked in the mirror at myself (something I used to hate doing) and said...  I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.  Now before when I said that, I meant I didn't care about myself.  I didn't care how I looked, I didn't care what I was doing, I just didn't care.  It was kind of scary, or it is now when I look back at the years, but I just stopped feeling.  I was blank.  All of this culminated when I attempted to kill myself a year and a half ago.  I had never actually TRIED anything like that before.  I was fine, don't worry, I OD'd on Gravol.  That doesn't kill you, as I found out, it only makes you SLEEP.  After that I just drifted.  Drifted for months and months.  I had no feeling at all.  I was numb.  I stopped caring about work and ended up quitting when they gave me shit about my attendance (although I still say good fucking riddance to THAT particular job).  When I looked in the mirror a few months ago, I said the same thing.  I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.  THIS time, however, it was directed to other people.  Finally I think I've managed to let go of that need to please others, and move on into 'fuck-you-all' land.  LOL Well, not QUITE that.  I DO care about making people happy, but only the people who care about me enough to reciprocate.  The guy on the corner who yells across the street to call me names?  Fuck him.  I LOVE ME!  I'm great! :D  He's just some unspecified asshole.  I refuse to let people like that control me anymore!  I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM.

*ahem*

Sixth...  and final...  It's all in the attitude.  I let my attitude consume me at one point, and then I was living in my own personal hell.  What changed this?  Well... believe it or not...  but it was Star Trek.  Haha, yes, let's all laugh at the trekkie.  But seriously, the show, the books, the movies...  They have an underlying message that I think is actually very important, especially when it comes to the teachings of Surak (aka the vulcan way of life haha)...  It's very hard for any of us, as humans, to rationalize.  We are creatures of emotion, everything we do has emotional roots.  And yet...  We aren't evolving as a species anymore.  We've all become ruled by our emotions.  We don't respond anymore, we simply react.  I'm through with that.  I have a brain, a good one, and I've decided to use it.  I'm not a caveman, and I'm not an animal.  We were given the ability to reason, however it came about, for a purpose.

Well, this post has gone on longer than I thought it would...  I just had to write everything down, though....  organize my thoughts a bit.  :3

As of 9:29 this morning, I am an Auntie to little baby Xander!  I just got back from the hospital, where I've been since 12 pm (despite not being allowed visitors, they were very nice to let me come into the room with my sister early).  He is really very cute, although he was extremely sleepy today (can't blame him LOL)...  I learned how to swaddle him today, and finally learned how to lift a baby from his bed.

It was a lot of fun, and I'm going to head back tomorrow afternoon to see Nicki and Neffiepoo again...  Taking Angel to visit for a short while, taking her home, heading home myself, having a shower, farting around on the netz for a while, then going back down until 8...  Unless she gets released tomorrow afternoon...

So tomorrow is the day for my grade 12 english equivalency test, which will be a part of the determining factor into whether or not I get into college for September.

I'm excited, but I'm a little nervous too.  I mean, I do well on tests but I'm going to have a hard time taking a test when I have no idea where the room is in the college.  I've been IN mohawk before when my mom was attending but that was a loooooong time ago and I was so small then that all I remember is this one hallway...

Chances are I'm going to end up asking someone how to get to the room, but I'm prepared to do that.  All I need to do is show up with my brain actually functioning for once and I'm certain that I'll pass with flying colors.  :3

I feel peaceful tonight.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am always full of energy and my mind is everywhere all at once.  They know I am stubborn as an ass and hate change.

But tonight...  I just feel...  Calm.  Accepting.  Dare I say even, Loving?  I just have this overwhelming sense that I am getting close to finally discovering who I am...  and that I'm finally starting to care less who other people are.

I hate to say this too but I feel like it's time for a random confession...

I've always been a religion-hater...  but at the same time there is this empty hole inside of me...  I feel like maybe I should read the bible again and start really thinking about the messages given in it...  the new testament in particular....  I am starting to think it's not religion I hate, but the people who blindly preach the bible and yet don't understand the message behind it.

Maybe there are other people out there like me who think that religion is about loving everyone around you?  It's about forgiving people who have wronged you because keeping such negative emotions inside of you to fester is unhealthy...

I know a lot of the people I know slam religion and want nothing to do with it...  I'm not saying here that I'm going to go around pressing my beliefs on people...  my beliefs and opinions are my own and, if someone asks, I will share them but it's wrong to force my thoughts on people (especially when I then get angry in turn when someone does the same thing to me).

It's hard to explain but in the past few years I feel something there inside me that was never there before...  I feel like it's a path to happiness and joy and love and I hope that I can share it with everyone when I finally figure out how to get there myself, even if it's only through my choices and actions.  I don't know if it's God, like some people would tell me, or if I finally feel my place in this crazy life of mine...

It's very hard to look at myself seriously, without turning away.  Most people can't face the truth and they hide behind false faces and identities.  I have done that for a long time...  I've tried to force myself into being someone I'm not because I want to fit in...

Lately though I kind of feel like I should just do what makes ME happy instead of trying to be someone I'm not...  Maybe people will resent me for it, but maybe they won't.  I think the reason I have always been so angry and unhappy is because I was too afraid to live my life and be myself.

Yes indeed, serious changes are on the horizon... and for once, I'm not scared of them.

as I sit here typing  this, my little cousin, who I babysit, is asleep on my lap.  she passed out while I was watching videos on youtube with her...  videos with dancing and TRANCE/TECHNO music.  that's right, kid fell asleep to loud, pumping techno.  with a speaker right next to us.  her hair is all sweaty D:  lol

i don't want to put her in her crib cause it's so cute and i just love her :P  my ass is numb now though from sitting so still.  normally i move around like a hundred times in  a minute (fidgety haha) but i can't move or shr'll wake up.  i wish i had brought my camera today lmao

i had to type all this one handed too cause her hand is on my other arm -_-

So yeah!  After coming home last night at almost midnight I sat down and popped out this story!  I was done at around 2:30-ish in the morning so forgive me if there's any spelling mistakes.  I AM going to spell check it before I post this time.  Haha!

It's just a quick drabble about Vegeta...  kind of a post-DBZ look back on everything he's experienced and such.  My Veggiemuse is a little rusty methinks so tell me if I did bad here people! :3

( Clickie! )

Just posting to test out my new icon, based on msn convos with my sister, and my earlier post.

Yes these questions are seriously bothering me.

I JUST AM CURIOUS OK?  I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEIR ANATOMY IS LIKE!  T_T

ETA: If you go to google and search 'Do Nameks Poop' I believe I am third link down.  :D  This is the second time I have found myself on google!  GO ME!

Do nameks poop?

Expect more on this later.  I might write a paper on it.

Yeah it's that time again.  Time for DBZ-related obsession and dbz ficlets and dbz rpgs and dbz everything!  I got me some new icons that are spiffing (though I didn;t credit....  I always forget where I got them.  I'm not taking credit for them though!  I DID NOT MAKE THEM.  If I had a computer still most of them would probably be mine) and even managed to keep some VB ones, my Spock and my badvulcanself

Yay!

oh my god.  I never thought I would get so upset over a kitten, but I came to my uncle's house today and Fatty Kitten is gone.  He went to live on a farm.

I don't know how exactly it happened but I got really attached to him.  The fact that I would lose him never really hit me until today.  I just sat here crying for almost a half an hour (not like sobbing my brains out or anything, that would be silly) after it hit me.  He's gone.  I'm never going to see him again.

I want to remain completely ignorant of his fate....  as far as I'm concerned he's already dead.  If he escapes the barn he's living in and dies, I don't want to know.  That will just make things worse.

I don't think I'll ever want a cat again.