Ammie's World!

Hey, Nick?

2009-12-16T06:41:03Z

MY PAL KEITH LOST HIS HAT? OH MAN IT WAS WINDY OUTSIDE THAT DAY, LIKE CRAZY BLOWIN' TREES DOWN WINDY AN' SHIT, KEITH'S HAT FLEW RIGHT OFF HIS HEAD. NOW ANY NORMAL HAT WOULDA JUS LANDED IN A TREE RIGHT BUT KEITH'S HAT FELL INTA THE RIVER WHAT WAS RUNNIN DOWN THE STREET AN IT WASHED RIGHT ON DOWN THE STORM SEWER
NOW ORDINARILY KEITH WOULDN'T GO INTA A SEWER OR NOTHIN WHAT WITH THE SMELL AN STUFF BUT THIS WAS A SPECIAL HAT SO HE COULDNT JUS LEAVE IT DOWN THERE
SO HE GETS THIS DETERMINED LOOK IN 'IS EYE, I SAW IT AN I KNEW WHAT WAS COMIN, AND KEITH JUS UP AND RUNS FOR A MANHOLE SO'S HE COULD GET HIS HAT OUT
NO THIS AINT THE STORY WHERE HE GOT STUCK IN THE MANHOLE, AND BESIDES THAT TIME IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AN THIS TIME HE WENT DOWN ON PURPOSE
ANYWAY
SO KEITH AN I GOT THE LID OFF THE MANHOLE AN KEITH GOES DOWN INTA THE SEWER AN I SHIT YOU NOT THERE WAS A GATOR WAITIN DOWN THERE
MUSTA BEEN TEN FEET IF IT WAS AN INCH
AN IT WAS CHEWIN RIGHT ON HIS HAT!
SO KEITH GOT MAD RIGHT CAUSE LIKE I SAID THAT WAS HIS FAVORITE HAT AN IT WAS SPECIAL TO 'IM
BUT IT WEREN'T LIKE HE HAD NO KINNA WEAPON WITH HIM BUT HIS OWN TWO HANDS
SO I GUESS HE DECIDED THAT IF HE COULDN'T SHOOT THE DAMN THING OR STAB IT THAT HE WAS GONNA POKE ITS EYES OUT AN THEN STEAL BACK HIS HAT WHEN IT WAS DISTRACTED LIKE
ONLY GATORS DON'T GET DISTRACTED WHEN YOU THUMB 'EM IN THE EYES
THEY ONLY GET REAL PISSED OFF
SO IT BITES KEITH'S ARM INSTEAD'A THE HAT
TORE HIS ARM CLEAR OFF TOO
IT TOOK LIKE A MILLION STITCHES BUT THEY MANAGED TO SEW HIS ARM BACK ON. I DUNNO HOW HE DID IT BUT WHEN HE GOT OUTTA THE SEWER HE WAS HOLDIN HIS BIT OFF ARM, AN THAT ARM'S HAND WAS HOLDIN HIS HAT
IT WAS CRAZY MAN
I SAW IT

L4D2

2009-11-19T21:36:52Z

I CAN HAZ IT.

TONITE.

I CANNOT WAIT.

What the fuck did I write.

2009-11-06T18:14:06Z

So I'm minding my own business, surfing the net, when suddenly a muse is like, "You need to write. NOW."

Ok, so it's not abnormal to have a muse kick me at strange times. This was, however, Squall.

This is abnormal. We all know Squall would rather be left alone and not be stuck into a story.

Combine a "kick" from Squall with the dark mood I've been in the past couple days and you get the following story.

Just a warning; It ends in character death. This is a first for me. It doesn't just have one character death, either. It has ALL of them dying. :|

I honestly have no idea. It just happened.

    It had been a couple years since the end of the final Sorceress war. It was funny how things never seemed to work out the way you pictured them in your head. Funny, but agonizingly sad.
    At first, everything had been so perfect; Perfect like a picture, or a story that ended with 'happily ever after'. The memories of those days still could make him smile. Other times, those memories were so painful they made him cry.
    Then things had started to change.
    Her powers only got stronger as she used them more and more. She had started talking about making the world a better place, using those powers. She said she had to have been given them for a reason, and he agreed. He agreed with her no matter what she said, although now he wasn't quite sure why.
    She had asked him to leave his job and travel with her in her quest to improve the world. He had agreed. All of his friends had been unhappy to see him go, but they had accepted his choice and understood the reasoning behind it. After all, the world was far from a great place to be even though the threat of Ultimecia and Adel had been ended.
    It had all started simply enough. She had returned to her home town to free it from the clutches of Galbadia's new president. He had been surprised at the ferocity she had shown as she killed the soldiers stationed in the town with so little effort on her part. The blood...
    He didn't want to think about it.
    She could have killed them quickly. Most of the soldiers were simply left to bleed to death. He had killed a few himself, unable to listen to them screaming anymore, until she had told him to leave them to their death. Even now he sometimes had nightmares about that day, so unlike any of the others that followed.
    The people in her town had been happy, but they had all looked at her like they didn't know who she was anymore. They had been afraid.
    She hadn't noticed the change. She told him they couldn't stay; There was corruption all around the planet. She intended to put an end to it.
    They had gone to Galbadia's capital. This time she had cut the soldiers down quickly, killing them outright. She had moved her way to the President without any more effort than the bloodbath in Timber had called for.
    Sometimes he had nightmares about that night, too. The President's screams were something he wouldn't forget.
    She had addressed the city, after putting down what little resistance there had been. She told them about the change that was coming, and how she was the only one who could lead the people in such a time.
    Just like Adel. Just like Ultimecia.
    And yet... he never tried to stop her. He went along with her still.
    They met Seifer in Fisherman's Horizon. He had been keeping up with the news, it seemed. Fujin and Raijin backed him up as he stood up against her. He said she wasn't going to get past him unless she killed him.
    The battle had been short. He didn't think Seifer had even managed to get a single hit in before he had gone down in flames. He could only think, for days afterward, what a fitting way it had been for him to die. He supposed, now, it was shock that had kept him from really stopping to think about what had happened. Or, maybe, he simply hadn't wanted to think. Maybe he had even been thinking too much, and didn't want to admit the truth. He pushed it out of his mind and continued with her.
    She was still his, still the same to him. Her touch was the same, still so sweet and loving, her eyes were the same when she looked at him. She told him all the time how much she needed him, how she would die without him. She would try to explain away what she had done, and at the time it had all made perfect sense (or had it? He wasn't really sure anymore).
    They had gone to Esthar.
    He should have known his father (whom he would never get to know) would have organized something to stop her. He was famous for his solution to the Adel problem, after all. He had also figured out how to stop Ultimecia. He wasn't as stupid as he acted, and if he had been given the chance to get to know Laguna perhaps he would have been proud to call him father.
    He never got the chance.
    It seemed as though the whole army was waiting for them, armed to the teeth.
    She couldn't take them all down on her own, so he had helped.
    He felt nothing as they went down at the end of his blade. She had told him that, one day, people would understand what they were doing. He had believed her... oh god, he had believed every lie she had said.
    Laguna had died by his hands. The look in his father's eyes, before he had run him through, still haunted him every moment of every day. That had been the moment when his brain had started to work again, when he had started to really think about what was happening around them.
    He had tried to talk her out of continuing. Doctor Odine was still alive; He could make her something to suppress her powers. They could go into hiding. Just the two of them, forever. He had promised to take care of her.
    She had laughed at him.
    "When we're through we won't need to hide. When we're through, the world will be ours forever. I will make it the perfect place. You'll see, Squall. You'll see."
    The nightmare, her nightmare, had started after that. He would see her in his mind wearing a cloak of human skin, on a throne of bones and broken flesh, perched atop piles of rotting corpses. Death's Queen. She would look at him and open her mouth and blood would pour out; The blood of the people she had killed. The people she had murdered.
    He wept at the sight. His tears were blood. The blood of the people he had murdered. The blood of his father.
    Eventually his friends had come. He knew they would. It was their job.
    She had fought them alone, at first. They were too strong. She had called for him as she was being overwhelmed.
    He had gone to her.
    Between the two of them, all his friends were outclassed.
    "You don't need to do this, Squall!"
    "She's destroying everything we worked so hard to end!"
    "S-stop, please, oh my god--"
    Then there was silence.
    They were all dead.
    Everyone was dead.
    Only the two of them remained.
    The people of Esthar fled the city, terrified of being ruled by another tyrant. Some of them she killed. Some of them she allowed to escape.
    "We'll kill the traitors another day. Come with me, enjoy the sights of the city."
    The bodies.
    The destruction.
    The smoke.
    The fires.
    A cloak of human skin around her shoulders, sitting on a throne of bones and broken flesh.
    Death's Queen.
    He had killed her while she slept.
    It hadn't taken any spectacular power or a bloody fight. She had trusted him.
    She shouldn't have.
    He had slit her throat in her sleep. She had woken up from the pain of it, but it was too late. He had made sure to silence her, first.
    She stared at him as she bled to death in his arms. She had looked at him with such shock at his betrayal of her.
    It hadn't taken long for her to die.
    His memories were taking much longer.
    He took another drink of whatever it was he had in his hand. It didn't matter. He couldn't even taste it. He discarded the empty bottle and looked down from his place atop the roof of the Palace.
    Esthar was a ghost town. It had been a ghost town since she had chased the citizens out over a year and a half ago. He had remained there, but no one had come back.
    Who would come back for him, anyhow? Everyone who had ever cared about him was dead now.
    What had he done?
    He always knew he was meant to be alone.
    It seemed right that it would end this way.
    With that thought he stood up and simply stepped off the roof into the air.
    Maybe, if he was lucky, it would be perfect on the other side..

Yeah. Really. I have no idea. :|

HOOOLY SHIT!

2009-10-14T19:46:28Z

I posted.

I lol'd.

That is all.

WARNING. WARNING. NSFW!

2009-07-10T06:07:52Z

I don't usually post things like this, but last night my sister got me onto Omegle and... well...

I got a little carried away.

Originally, my friend Missy and I were trying to find one another and I stumbled across this person.

Oh how wrong it went!

There is some graphic content in this chat log, as you will see for yourself if you decide to venture into the darkness. It's also made twice as disturbing, as I decided to pretend I was Harry Potter and requested the other person pretend to be Dumbledore.

FOR THE RECORD:

This was done in a joking tone (on BOTH ends I'm sure, especially considering how it ends).

Again, this isn't safe for work. It's also not safe for the faint of heart. I am TELLING you, it's graphic. It's also GAY. It's also love between a creepy old man and young boy. Please don't read it if it's going to be a problem for you (and let me tell you, it was a problem for me to WRITE the damn thing! Booze helped).

Last but not least, this is dedicated to my sister Nicki.

This is what you have brought about.

You: MISSY?!
Stranger: soup, bro?!
Stranger: YESSS?!
You: OMG
You: ITS ME
You: AMANDA
Stranger: lmao. i think i talked to you the other night. except you were cheryl.
Stranger: watttt.
You: Oh no, I'm always Amanda.
Stranger: well fuck.
You: Well once I was Harry Potter.
You: but that was a lifetime ago.....
Stranger: someone stole you gig, then, sweetie.
Stranger: :)
Stranger: were you going to tell me about something in highschool? that's what cheryl did.
You: Highschool, eh? That was a long time ago.
Stranger: that's what cheryl said XD
Stranger: anyway, what's up, Amanda?:)
You: Nothing really, I was just looking for Missy!
Stranger: i can be anyone you want me to be for about twelve dollars.
You: ......Could you be Dumbledore?
Stranger: just let me get my wizard hat and robe...
Stranger: holy shit, that worked out perfect.
You: What about the beard and the half moon specs? I KNEW Dumbledore, you know. Before he died. Before he was MURDERED.
Stranger: *shrug* sure.
Stranger: the specs'll cost ya, though. i mean, sure, the beard is fairly easy to obtain, but those glasses are a bitch to find here in MuggleLand.
You: Auuuggghhhh how much more do I have to pay? Do you accept galleons?
Stranger: no, checks only.
Stranger: about thirty dollars extra for the whole Dumbledore giddup.
Stranger: reasonable price, m i rite?
You: Better than some of the other quotes I've gotten. I guess.
Stranger: mhm.
Stranger: so. amanda.
You: Call me Harry
You: bby
Stranger: lawl, you got it, Harry.
You: That's hot.
Stranger: what if i spell it like this: Hairee
Stranger: oh yeahhh
You: No, Harry is fine.
Stranger: *clears throat* oh. um, indeed.
You: It's all right. Don't be embarrassed.
Stranger: *straightens specs* i'm not, i'm a fucking wizard.
You: That's the spirit!
Stranger: YUH!
You: So. I saw you at Hogwarts the other day.
Stranger: well no shit, i'm head wizard at that place.
You: I was watching you from the Gryffindor table.
You: in the great hall
You: during lunch
Stranger: oh, the other day when we had snail slime as an appetizer? i believe i saw you. you looked fairly handsome...your scar was pulsing.
You: You have that effect on me, sir.
Stranger: it gave me the chills up and down my staff.
You: Sometimes when our eyes meet across the great hall it's as though we're the only two people in all of hogwarts
Stranger: indeed, Harry. do you know why? it's because your parents are dead.
You: I can't believe you just brought that up!
Stranger: i'm sorry, Harry. i just have to remind you every once in a while...your eyes look so beautiful when they're teary.
You: Thank you, sir. That means a lot. Coming from you.
Stranger: that won't be the only thing...cumming...from me, if you keep up the sexy work, Mr. Potter.
You: I've been hoping that you would give me private lessons, Professor. On my wand-work.
Stranger: i've seen you work a wand, Harry. what ever could you need my help with?
You: You just have so much more magical experience than I do! Your talent with a wand is unmatched!
Stranger: of course it is, Harry. but don't be modest. you know you can work a wand. and a broom stick. and the way you catch that tiny ball takes my breath away every time.
You: *blush* I didn't know you admired my skills on the quidditch pitch, sir.
Stranger: admire them? i masturbate to them, Harry. every night in my private quarters.
You: Oh sir. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
You: I have something to tell you.
Stranger: what is it, my boy? my big...strong...stick-handling boy?
You: I'm not wearing any underwear under this wizard's robe.
Stranger: oh...why, Harry. that's incredible. why don't you come up to my quarters now, and we can make one of those liquid memories that i like to keep hidden?
You: I always dreamed of this moment, ever since I first came to Hogwarts.
Stranger: likewise, Harry. now strip me nude and take my magical body to a place it's never been.
You: But Professor, sir. I've never done anything like this before...
Stranger: don't worry, Harry. it all comes natural. now hand me that wand over there and i'll get you all...erm... accustomed to the feel
You: *gives you the magical wand*
Stranger: now just let it work it's magic...*slides the wand into Harry's bum, slowly*
You: Oh, sir! It's so big!
Stranger: but isn't it delightful, Harry? you know you want more.
You: Give me more, Professor Dumbledore!
Stranger: that rhymes, Harry. indeed. *shoves the wand in deeper*
You: Oh yes! It feels so magical!
Stranger: yes, Harry. it does. i have a spell to make it thicker.
You: Cast it! By Gryffindor, cast it!
Stranger: THICKTORONIS! *the wand widens inside of Harry*
You: OH SIR
Stranger: do you enjoy this, Harry?
You: I love it sir!
You: Oh yes!
Stranger: don't call me sir, Harry. call me Daddy. because yours is dead.
You: But... that's so..... so....
You: dirty....
Stranger: i know, Harry. isn't it exciting? and tell me you want MY big...thick...wand inside of you.
You: I want you, sir... I mean... daddy.
Stranger: yeah, Harry. i know you do. bend over, little wizard whore.
You: *bends over for you* Show me your magic, daddy!
Stranger: *points my wand* AVADA KIANDRA, BITCH!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Notice how, though he tried to kill me in the end... he got the spell wrong.
This is the last time Harry goes to a twelve dollar prostitute.

This freaking handwriting test.

2009-07-10T00:54:46Z

I stole it from Missy.

Amanda is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Amanda will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Amanda an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Amanda is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Amanda is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Amanda doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Amanda is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.

Amanda is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

Amanda can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.

Diplomacy is one of Amanda's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Amanda can disagree without being disagreeable.

Because Amanda has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Amanda is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Amanda is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

Amanda's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Amanda that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Amanda also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Amanda is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Amanda's self-concept is artificially low. Amanda will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Amanda to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Amanda is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Amanda is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Amanda has a tendency to put things off, Amanda procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Amanda will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Amanda is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

Amanda has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Amanda has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Amanda fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as she moves down the page. If this is true, then Amanda has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Amanda is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Amanda is leaving the past behind and moving on to what she perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

WAAAAAHHH

2009-07-09T03:08:21Z

I stole this from Missy and was traumatized by the result.

The Portraitist

Random, Character-Oriented, Platonic

As a Portraitist, the character is everything to you. You value the character's personality and development more than anything else, and your goal in roleplay is to flesh the character out in any and every way possible. You're the method actor of the roleplay world: you know your character through and through (you've probably done a ton of research) and you enjoy throwing your character into new and random situations just to prompt interesting reactions. However, you're hard to involve in any plots, mostly because ongoing stories that don't focus on exploring your character's innermost depths quickly bore you. Also, you might like to put your character in tragic/stressful situations a little too much.

OH GOD IT'S MEEEEEE T___T

A surprise.

2009-06-29T07:37:50Z

I C What U did Thar, Francis.

Hahahahaha. I'm the only one who finds this amusing.

sigh

2009-04-05T05:19:58Z

I feel so badly going to see Nicki and Xander... poor Xander is in so much pain because he swallows too much air.

I do the same thing myself, so I know how those pains feel.... it's horrible, sometimes they make me cry as well.

I hope she can find some kind of solution, some way to help him. I seemed to get somewhere with him, but it's very difficult... you have to keep changing his position over and over until you find the right way... next time, you have to hold him differently.

poor baby was turning purple from screaming... I can't imagine how much pain he must be in right now.

I felt like crying myself. I would suffer that for him if I could...

eta: Here's the picture I promised almost a whole month ago. Sorry it took so long.

yeah, that's a cat on my boob. >_>

Countdown to The Sims 3 launch!

2009-04-04T16:37:40Z

I'm an Auntie!

2009-03-09T01:06:32Z

As of 9:29 this morning, I am an Auntie to little baby Xander! I just got back from the hospital, where I've been since 12 pm (despite not being allowed visitors, they were very nice to let me come into the room with my sister early). He is really very cute, although he was extremely sleepy today (can't blame him LOL)... I learned how to swaddle him today, and finally learned how to lift a baby from his bed.

It was a lot of fun, and I'm going to head back tomorrow afternoon to see Nicki and Neffiepoo again... Taking Angel to visit for a short while, taking her home, heading home myself, having a shower, farting around on the netz for a while, then going back down until 8... Unless she gets released tomorrow afternoon...

Back in the day---

2009-02-25T13:52:37Z

Back in the day, I had a legacy. Her name was Akane Morimoto. She was one of my first sims in the sims 2.

With the impending release of the sims 3, I figured I would remember her a bit.

HA! This certainly IS back in the day! Basegame, actually! This was my first sim after I had updated my graphics card and RAM (although loading times were still about 1 hour, give or take).

I've decided that Sunset Valley with be a mash-up of old sims, as well as some new ones. IF I can find pictures of how the sims USED to look. I want to have my befores and afters, of course. ;)

Stay tuned! Tomorrow will be my self-sim!

ETA: BTW! I got into college! :D

Tomorrow!

2009-02-23T13:10:05Z

So tomorrow is the day for my grade 12 english equivalency test, which will be a part of the determining factor into whether or not I get into college for September.

I'm excited, but I'm a little nervous too. I mean, I do well on tests but I'm going to have a hard time taking a test when I have no idea where the room is in the college. I've been IN mohawk before when my mom was attending but that was a loooooong time ago and I was so small then that all I remember is this one hallway...

Chances are I'm going to end up asking someone how to get to the room, but I'm prepared to do that. All I need to do is show up with my brain actually functioning for once and I'm certain that I'll pass with flying colors. :3

srsly?

2009-02-11T02:40:13Z

I feel peaceful tonight.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am always full of energy and my mind is everywhere all at once. They know I am stubborn as an ass and hate change.

But tonight... I just feel... Calm. Accepting. Dare I say even, Loving? I just have this overwhelming sense that I am getting close to finally discovering who I am... and that I'm finally starting to care less who other people are.

I hate to say this too but I feel like it's time for a random confession...

I've always been a religion-hater... but at the same time there is this empty hole inside of me... I feel like maybe I should read the bible again and start really thinking about the messages given in it... the new testament in particular.... I am starting to think it's not religion I hate, but the people who blindly preach the bible and yet don't understand the message behind it.

Maybe there are other people out there like me who think that religion is about loving everyone around you? It's about forgiving people who have wronged you because keeping such negative emotions inside of you to fester is unhealthy...

I know a lot of the people I know slam religion and want nothing to do with it... I'm not saying here that I'm going to go around pressing my beliefs on people... my beliefs and opinions are my own and, if someone asks, I will share them but it's wrong to force my thoughts on people (especially when I then get angry in turn when someone does the same thing to me).

It's hard to explain but in the past few years I feel something there inside me that was never there before... I feel like it's a path to happiness and joy and love and I hope that I can share it with everyone when I finally figure out how to get there myself, even if it's only through my choices and actions. I don't know if it's God, like some people would tell me, or if I finally feel my place in this crazy life of mine...

It's very hard to look at myself seriously, without turning away. Most people can't face the truth and they hide behind false faces and identities. I have done that for a long time... I've tried to force myself into being someone I'm not because I want to fit in...

Lately though I kind of feel like I should just do what makes ME happy instead of trying to be someone I'm not... Maybe people will resent me for it, but maybe they won't. I think the reason I have always been so angry and unhappy is because I was too afraid to live my life and be myself.

Yes indeed, serious changes are on the horizon... and for once, I'm not scared of them.

lololol

2009-02-06T15:13:17Z

as I sit here typing this, my little cousin, who I babysit, is asleep on my lap. she passed out while I was watching videos on youtube with her... videos with dancing and TRANCE/TECHNO music. that's right, kid fell asleep to loud, pumping techno. with a speaker right next to us. her hair is all sweaty D: lol

i don't want to put her in her crib cause it's so cute and i just love her :P my ass is numb now though from sitting so still. normally i move around like a hundred times in a minute (fidgety haha) but i can't move or shr'll wake up. i wish i had brought my camera today lmao

i had to type all this one handed too cause her hand is on my other arm -_-

A random story! :D

2009-01-18T18:49:22Z

So yeah! After coming home last night at almost midnight I sat down and popped out this story! I was done at around 2:30-ish in the morning so forgive me if there's any spelling mistakes. I AM going to spell check it before I post this time. Haha!

It's just a quick drabble about Vegeta... kind of a post-DBZ look back on everything he's experienced and such. My Veggiemuse is a little rusty methinks so tell me if I did bad here people! :3

Sometimes it was difficult for him to look back on his life. He had become a different person... so different in fact that sometimes he had to stop and wonder if maybe he had lived two lives instead of just one.
Once he had been feared. The very sound of his name struck fear into the hearts of those hearing it. His temper had been well-known; More than once he had killed for no more reason than his bed not being made properly in his quarters. He fought without pity or remorse, sometimes dragging his inevitable victory out by several days just to enjoy the suffering of others.

He had been born into slavery. His planet had been taken over just months before his birth by the tyrant Freeza, who considered every Saiyajin his own personal property. He couldn't remember any part of his life that the hateful creature hadn't had some part in. His father, the King, had tried to tell him that they weren't slaves, that they were partners. His father had been a fool. Where had his pride gone? The Saiyajin were equal to none! They were superior to every race!

He had been only six years old when his planet had been destroyed. He took the news like any worthy Saiyajin would and acted like he didn't care. The news had, in fact, shook him greatly. He had thought his people were indestructible, especially against something so simple as a space rock. He had, apparently, thought wrong.

As he grew older he had more of a chance to see how wrong he had been. He was so weak compared to Freeza and his minions. He learned quickly to bite his tongue, rather than spit out the words that he was dying to say. He learned, reluctantly, to respect his captor. He knew now that respect based on fear could never last.

He had been surprised when news had reached him of Raditsu's escape from Planet 79. For some reason the thought of simply running from his life had never crossed his mind. Or maybe it had, but his pride wouldn't allow him to simply leave. He knew if he left, it would only be after Freeza had been destroyed at his hands. When Raditsu had been dying, the discussion of the dragon balls had caught his attention immediately.

He had wanted the power they would give him so desperately he had dreamed about it every time he closed his eyes. He found himself wondering what it would feel like to crush Freeza. He supposed, back then, that he would feel nothing. He never had felt anything but anger in those days. Maybe it was because he hadn't allowed himself to feel anything else. More likely there had been nothing else for him to feel.

On earth, the struggle to get control had been fantastic. He had never felt so alive in his life until he was engaged in a life-or-death struggle against the earthbound Saiyajin. In the end, however, he hadn't been strong enough. When he had stared down the sword held in his face he had wished for the swift death it implied. He had been ashamed of his weakness. Instead, he had been left alive to later come face to face with his old captor again.

No other memory shamed him as much as those of him cowering at the full power of Freeza. He had simply given up and resigned himself to his inevitable death. Before he had been killed he had spoken to the earthbound Saiyajin, said things he had never before dared to let himself say. He wept tears of anger, of regret, of shame... He had begged for Freeza's death, if not by his own hands, at the hands of another Saiyajin. And so it had been.

Finding himself alive again had been wondrous, but disappointing. Now he had to live with the memories of his shortcomings. Finding himself on earth had been a completely different story. When he had first come to the planet he had disliked it. Vegeta-sei had been so different, and human beings were all weaklings. He had been stranded there, however, so he had adapted reluctantly.

He pushed himself in his training, hoping he would become as strong as the low-class idiot who had somehow become a Super Saiyajin. He was hampered quite a bit by the earth woman who had offered her home to him. She was bossy and bad-tempered, and they often fought over stupid things. Yet, as the months went by, he found himself starting to mind less and less when she came looking for an argument.
He never would have thought that there was something else he was able to feel other than anger. At he time, he didn't allow himself to believe in his feelings for her. Love was, after all, something only the weak felt. She was persistent once she started to pursue him, and eventually he gave in to her. At first it had been a rare occurrence. Sometimes when either of them grew bored they would go looking for the other.
Slowly they began to see one another more often until he found himself sleeping in her room instead of his own.

She bore him a son, but the boy was not a real Saiyajin. She was still pushy and demanded he spent time with the infant. It wasn't the way of his people to coddle the young; They were raised to be warriors and if a baby couldn't endure such hardships then he wasn't deserving of his life. She got angry with him for being too rough and, after too many nights spent alone, he relented to do it her way. Strange, how he had found himself missing her company so quickly.

He had tried for years to become stronger than the earthbound Saiyajin, and never succeeded... Until the day he allowed his body to be overtaken by the power of Babadi. He finally was the person he had been once, when he had been under Freeza's rule. Yet... the victory over his shameful emotions hadn't been what he had hoped.

It was on that day that he became that second person. His old life ceased to be, almost as if he had been born again. He realized that love, although it had seemed to him like a weakness before, was actually a strength in it's own way. After seeing the monster he had unleashed with his hatred, he said goodbye to his son and did his part to protect the planet that he had actually grown fond of.

In the end it had been a joint effort between himself and the earthbound Saiyajin that had saved not only the planet, but the universe. Strangely enough, he wouldn't have had it any other way. That was when he had realized that the only kind of respect that lasted was the kind that was earned honestly.

His life after that had become almost human. His old self would have hated it, but he actually enjoyed his time. His woman got better with age, and bore him a daughter. He never would have thought he would enjoy having a female child but he almost wished she had been born before his son. He still hated shopping, even after all his time on earth, but he went with both his daughter and his woman when they asked, simply because he loved them.

He didn't want to think what would happen as years continued to pass. He wasn't aging; Saiyajin could live as long as five hundred years and maybe more. Humans rarely lived past seventy but he knew, for now, he would enjoy his life on this planet he called home.

And he was happy.

~fin

Yeah, hey

2009-01-02T13:39:04Z

VEGETA IS NOT GAY.

GOKU IS NOT GAY.

PICCOLO HAS NO PENIS/VAGINA SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE IS.

ROSHI IS NOT GAY.

YAMUCHA IS NOT GAY.

KRILLIN...... I'm not so sure about. Why did he have gay porn in dragonball? O_o Seriously, if you don't believe me...

goto dbz-zone.org, click on the link to their dragonball stuff, go to the second season, episode 1 :Goku's Rival... and go to the end of the episode where Krillin is offering Roshi all of his 'naughty magazines'. There is gay porn there.

Nicki would say this is my fault. -_- She did, actually.

Hi!

2008-12-30T21:54:58Z

Just posting to test out my new icon, based on msn convos with my sister, and my earlier post.

Yes these questions are seriously bothering me.

I JUST AM CURIOUS OK? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEIR ANATOMY IS LIKE! T_T

ETA: If you go to google and search 'Do Nameks Poop' I believe I am third link down. :D This is the second time I have found myself on google! GO ME!

Just a quick question.

2008-12-30T16:55:58Z

Do nameks poop?

Expect more on this later. I might write a paper on it.

OMG

2008-12-30T03:53:07Z

Yeah it's that time again. Time for DBZ-related obsession and dbz ficlets and dbz rpgs and dbz everything! I got me some new icons that are spiffing (though I didn;t credit.... I always forget where I got them. I'm not taking credit for them though! I DID NOT MAKE THEM. If I had a computer still most of them would probably be mine) and even managed to keep some VB ones, my Spock and my badvulcanself

Yay!

upset

2008-12-23T15:33:50Z

oh my god. I never thought I would get so upset over a kitten, but I came to my uncle's house today and Fatty Kitten is gone. He went to live on a farm.

I don't know how exactly it happened but I got really attached to him. The fact that I would lose him never really hit me until today. I just sat here crying for almost a half an hour (not like sobbing my brains out or anything, that would be silly) after it hit me. He's gone. I'm never going to see him again.

I want to remain completely ignorant of his fate.... as far as I'm concerned he's already dead. If he escapes the barn he's living in and dies, I don't want to know. That will just make things worse.

I don't think I'll ever want a cat again.

GUESS WHO GOT OBLIVION?!

2008-12-22T13:17:29Z

I GOT OBLIVION!

Not only Oblivion, but the Game of the Year edition which includes the expansion pack and the knights of the... round thingy? XDDD I don't know anything about the knights upgrade but I REALLY REALLY WANT to play Shivering Isles! It's kind of like an Alice in Wonderland sort of trip but much deadlier. It's also ruled by an insane leader; In this case it's Sheogorath, one of the Daedric Princes (and I did want to name Nicki's cat after him. Probably better she didn't since her kitten is a girl. Azura would have been a kickass name for her though, especially since she has weird azurish eyes).

So, I created a few people before I finally settled on a female Nord (my favorite race to play :P) named Ilfhild. She's very pretty, though I randomized her face. She is going to be the hero of everything, of course. I quite like playing the hero of everything. So, she was born under the sign of the Warrior, and she is a Knight. She's crap at magic but that's ok because I always have a hard time aiming spells in this game XDD

I am GOING to have a mage at some point. A Breton, named Edwinn. That should be interesting, to say the least. And he will probably be prettier than Ilfhild. :3

So yes, this is why I am like non existant right now, and it has nothing at all to do with not having a computer. :P

WOOT

2008-12-19T16:01:17Z

Sorry I've been not posting the last couple days but....

I GOT MY 360! :D:D:D

WHUTWHUT

And! AND!!! (Missy you'll definitely appreciate this) I HAVE BEEN PLAYING FABLE 2. The game is EVERY BIT as AWESOME as I imagined it would be! :D:D:D So far my chick has:

-Slept with a random villager named Peter without protection
-Got married to the hottest guy in Bowerstone, Alex
-Had a baby with said hubby named Ella
-Dyed her hair blonde
-Ran around without a shirt for fun
-Became a third-level Blacksmith
-Became a second-level lumberjack

She has half the villagers of Bowerstone in love with her, but only because they stand around gaping like idiots while she flirts with her hubby. She looks pretty awesome, but she's kind of a crossdresser. Almost all her clothes are men's clothes... at the moment she doesn't have the shirt I want her to be wearing so she goes around topless.

The fighting system is a million times better, ESP the flourish ability. PLUS you have a sweet doggy as a sidekick. I named him Dexter. He is SO useful, and a lot of fun. I was impressed to see the villagers interacting with him, too! I figured they would ignore him, but they definitely did not! Some villagers love him, some hate him. If I catch the ones who are rude to my dog, I'm going to put my boot up their asses. >| Anyway.

It's snowing so goddamned bad today, and I have to walk to the store to get bus tickets, then walk to the bus stop, then wait fifteen minutes for the damn bus, then I have to get off the bus and walk home from the last stop. I should have gotten my tickets last night, but I thought my dad was going to come in to hamilton and I was going to ask him to take me to get them.... And then I got carried away with Fable from 7 pm to 1 am DX So now I have to pay the price. I hope the store down the street from here sells bus tickets.

TODAY PEOPLE

2008-12-15T13:25:39Z

TODAY.

IS.

THE DAY.

Yes folks, that's right! Tonight after work I am laying my hands on an Xbox 360! I already called ahead to Future Shop to see how many they had in stock and there is more than enough! After so many years of waiting for this wish to come true, it finally is! And right in time too! I'm bored with the PS2 (after the great game loss of 07... no kidding, half my games just up and fucking disappeared) and without a computer I am gonna go stir crazy... BUT!

360 TO THE RESCUE! :D:D I know I'm going to get in trouble for it, but I'm going to buy Oblivion too. There is no way I'm going another week or week and a half to get a game. I can't have a 360 and not play it. My mom should try to be understanding; After all, I've been bothering her so much since my computer broke... calling her like ten times a night for NO reason... IDK it was always like my computer was more than just a piece of electronic heaven sitting in my room... more like it was another person to keep me company. And now without it I tend to get lonely very fast.

But yes! 360! OBLIVION (does anyone realize how long I have wanted this game?! Almost as long as I've wanted an Xbox)! I am going to be in Gamer's Heaven for MONTHS after this just playing every mission I can in this game!

I kind of miss my old character Arya (yes named after the elf from Eragon)... I took a lot of time on her and she was the only character I ever beat the main quest with. It was kind of fun to imagine little things that went on that weren't part of the game like a romance between Martin and her... though that obviously ended in tragedy (for those who haven't played the game, something very bad happens to poor Martin)... I had planned for her to go on and end up being a thief after that but then my step brother stopped letting me use his 360. >| I'm sure she's been deleted since then, along with all my other data like my gta4 savegame. It doesn't matter much now I suppose.

The game I'm going to buy with my christmas money is definitely Bully - Scholarship Edition. I. Fucking. Love. Bully. I guess it was nice to play a game where I got to kick the shit out of the kinds of people who used to pick on me in school. I always was nice to the Nerds of couse. Cause I am a nerd. I wonder if there are any Star Trek mentions... now that I'm a Trekkie I would be able to catch them for sure. XD

And then of course on Christmas I get FABLE 2! I have to say that honestly, that is the game I'm most excited about. It's like the game Original Fable was SUPPOSED to be! :D

ETA: DAMNIT ALL TO HELL. D< They didn't pay my uncle and, therefore, I didn't get paid! WTF is this bullshit! They said by SUNDAY and now it's Monday and they're saying TUESDAY?! THEY BETTER PAY HIM SOON OR I'M GONNA HAVE TO SMACK A BITCH. lol.

I can probably wait another two or three days if I have to but I'm going to go fucking crazy if I have to wait much longer than that.

WTFICLET?!

2008-12-14T07:09:00Z

OMGADS I WROTE SOMETHING FOR ONCE.

---Written as a sort of response to someone's drabble about Sephiroth hating his fans. :P Now I don't mean the fangirls in this world who... you know... slash him with anything in the series of FF7 with a penis... I mean the fans in his own universe. Since Crisis Core proved that he did indeed have himself a little fanclub, I thought I would write about it.

*****~~~*****

    Attention.
    If there was one thing he liked as much as fighting, that was it. There was nothing in the world like an audience, captivated by his every motion and word. When he had been a little younger the stares had bothered him but now he relished them. Everywhere he went, people would watch him. Women would swoon at the very sight of him; Men would stammer and get nervous under the stare of his strange eyes.
    He often went out in public just to observe the reactions of the people around him; More often than not accompanied by Genesis (who loved it as much as he did). He always got the finest table at the finest restaurants, free clothes when he went shopping (something he did often), he never had to wait to get into the most elite clubs in Midgar, and (his personal favorite) he only had to look at a woman and she would fall into his arms without hesitation.
    He had never imagined when he had won the Wutai war that his actions would warrant such notoriety back at home. Had he known back then he wouldn't have tried so hard to do everything on his own. He was glad now of his actions and the consequences they had brought.
    Genesis often called him arrogant, but he knew his friend was simply jealous that he got more attention. Perhaps he was arrogant but it didn't bother him. He had every right to be, after everything he had accomplished. A General in the ShinRa army by fifteen; A first-class SOLDIER by seventeen; He had dedicated himself completely to his work, put his life on the line many times. He had earned the bragging rights.
    His favorite activity often involved getting into fights with civilians who were out of line. He found himself in a bar at least once a week, just waiting for a customer to get belligerent with the bartender or another patron. They were so beneath him it usually took no more than a weak punch to put them out, and then he usually recieved lavish praise and gratitude for the rest of the night.
    "They'll never know you." Genesis often whispered, the envy painfully obvious in his voice. "They'll never know the only reason you come here is to beat the life out of someone so much weaker than you. You're horrible."
    Sometimes he thought Genesis was just angry that he hadn't thought of such a thing first, although what he said was true.
    Sometimes, very rarely, the obsession people had with him would get to him. He didn't like it when people followed him home. It was one thing for him to invite a woman home with him when he was in the mood for company other than Genesis or Angeal, it was something else entirely for someone to stalk him in the night and watch through his windows to catch a glimpse of him. He didn't like the trash raiders either, but it was difficult for him to catch them. Despite his enjoyment in being famous, he also enjoyed to be alone more often than not at the end of the night.
    He took exception to women when they did such things; He could hardly blame them. Many of the women who followed him had convinced themselves they were in love with him and he usually treated them with as much kindness as he could muster when their behavior was so out of line. He would not tolerate men following him home, however, and he tended to make that crystal clear to them.
    The crazy ones aside, his notoriety was more than enjoyable. He deserved the attention, the gifts, the women... He deserved whatever he wanted. There was, after all, no one else like him on the planet.

*****~~~*****

Well. That certainly turned out interesting. :P What do you think (the few people who read my journal entries)? Keep in mind it was written at Midnight-2 am.

Mostly I wrote this because I'm trying to figure out how I, as a writer (and YES fanfiction authors DO count if they're good enough and I would very much like to think I'm at least somewhat good) could portray Sephiroth.

I do think he was very arrogant (his description I read somewhere called him an elitist) and very vain. He obviously took great care in his appearance all the time, going out of his way to draw attention to himself in the game... Even the way he walked and talked seemed to be to draw people's eyes to him. He has a commanding presence; Other people seem to fade in the background when he's around.

It might be fun to do a few more of these.

Of course this is pre-insanity Sephiroth. Back when he made more sense and was a little more pleasant to be around. Just a little. I can so picture him watching himself on TV with a smug expression on his face. He knows he's the shit LOL

PS: Sorry I have no Sephiroth-appropriate icons. That will have to wait until I get a new computer... T_T Weird, I'm the most sad about losing my fantastic icon collection. Plus I lost all the ones I made myself.... T_T And all my Advent Children screenies.